Mama passed away 2 weeks ago, never remembering that her tumor wasn't removed when she had her surgery. She kept on thinking she would get better.

The tumor grew into her heart and she passed away due to 2 heart attacks. My brother and I had to make the decision to do "DNR" on her after the first one, as the doc said they would more than likely have to put her on life support if she had another attack. We mainly decided that because we did not want to have to "unplug" her later.

My children are still angry with me for that decision, but I feel we did the right thing.

I am coping well these days. I honestly believe it was Mama's time to go. She told me a few weeks ago that she wanted to be with Daddy (he died 18 years ago) and for us not to keep her here.

Did I do the right thing?

My Mom still does not know what happened with her surgery. My brother and I are trying to decide whether to tell her or not.

Some cancer patients do better not knowing.

All Mama wants is to spent time with her 9 great-grandbabies. Maybe if she doesn't know she will have more quality time with them and she won't be so worried.

My biggest fear is that she will die during the holidays. Won't that make all the babies hate Christmas as much as I do?

Life sux, don't it??

My Mom has lung cancer... Stage IV Lung Cancer.

The tumor is on the outside of her left lung and has invaded her heart. The surgeon really thought removal of the top lobe of her lung would fix things. It didn't.

My Mother is dying. Maybe six months to a year.

My Mother is 80 years old and says she is ready "to go". BUT... the surgery was today and she has not woken up enough to know that all is lost.

Suddenly.... McCain and Obamba don't mean a fuck to me. My Mama is going to die.

I have cut way down on cigarettes. The only ones I really enjoy are the ones I have when drinking coffee. Guess it's time to give up the coffee.

I modified my Atkins to help lower the cholesterol numbers, but I honestly believe giving up the cigs will do the most good. Of course, not eating so much bacon and red meat will help a lot, too. Good thing I like chicken and fish.

I have set a quit date and am working hard at tapering off the smokes. Cold turkey doesn't work for me. It makes me more difficult to live with than I usually am!

Time for my morning walk...

I have lost 38 pounds since March 1st doing Atkins. I was rather proud of that fact when I went to the doctor the other day.

He wanted to check my thyroid because of some problems I have been having. The lab screwed up royally... they checked my cholesterol instead of the thyroid.

The good cholesterol was too low, the bad was too high, and my triglycerides were in the good range, but not low enough to please the doctor.

Now he says for me to give up the Atkins...says that's the reason my numbers are bad. (Seems to me that it would have taken years to get to this point, but what do I know?)

Now it's rabbit food and more exercise to lose even more weight. (Makes me wonder what the numbers were like 38 pounds ago.)

And BTW... "Stop smoking!"

OMG!

The rabbit food and more exercise I can deal with, but giving up my ciggies is gonna be hard to do.

I know I need to quit. I want to quit. Being told that I have to quit is the problem.

Guess I'll start chewing gum again.